Mama Duck
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Monday, March 31, 2003

Week 19

Too much information

I am a reader--always have been. One defining characteristic is that my desire to read always exceeds my time to read. I'm not actually a fast reader, though people thought I was when I was younger simply because I did it a lot and therefore finished a lot of books. So throughout my life, I've always bought more books than I have the time and ability to read, purging as necessary to make room on the shelves or for a move.

Now, in addition to my normal pile (mountain) of books that I want to/feel I should read, I add those on pregnancy/childbirth and childhood.


I feel like a deer in the headlights. Where to begin? I've done some searching online, at
a forum about such books on I've also done some searching through the customer reviews at Amazon. My friend Kitty says that I should try not to feel like I have to read all this stuff--it will just make me paranoid and tense. Many of the reviews I've read of many of the books say the same thing. Yet not to read feels like I might be missing something, like what the perfect food to eat during the second trimester is.

So far, I've picked up several books, but not read more than a few pages of each. Plus there are at least ten more that looked promising. Yet I hardly have time to read a magazine, much less a book for pleasure plus a book on pregnancy. My hope is that I can make a little dent in these books before the baby arrives. I don't want it to be like the travel guide that I bought for Italy that I read on the train to Florence that told me to call the Uffizi a week in advance to get a reservation.


It would also be nice if I could get in a little reading for fun. So I'm off to try that right now.

posted by Mama Duck5:19 PM


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Sunday, March 30, 2003

Week 18

The very thin line between looking pregnant and looking fat

Some people have finally started to say that I look pregnant. Most others continue to say that I don't. It is very clear to me, though, that my body has changed a lot. I'm in that weird no-woman's land between regular clothes, most of which I can no longer wear, and maternity clothes, which are baggy in the belly because I'm not yet that big.

Over the past couple years, I dropped a couple sizes as I began a regular regime of power yoga and cut out wheat from my diet. I hung onto some of the nicer clothes from this time, though, in case I might be able to wear them when pregnant. Some of them do fit, but I now find myself with the strange dilemma that if I wear them, I usually look heavy, but not necessarily pregnant. I am trying so hard, though, not to worry about how much weight I gain or fret about "feeling fat"--I'm pregnant, and this is a good and joyous thing. Yet after trying on one of my old-but-now-fits outfits, my bodily malaise became clear.

My butt and thighs have gotten noticeably bigger, but my tummy hasn't.

Dammit, that just doesn't seem fair.

posted by Mama Duck10:10 AM


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Sunday, March 23, 2003

Week 17

My husband is evil

Or considerate, depending on how you look at it.

As I mentioned in
week 14, a nutritionist at a class I took recommended cutting out caffeine completely. I only ever had one small cappuccino a day, so I decided not to be concerned.

So I was rather surprised the other night when my husband told me he'd been mixing in decaf a little at a time in our coffee canister for the past few weeks and we were now consuming only about 25% of caffeinated coffee.

Part of me was stunned by his deception. How dare he do such a thing? I just had one little bit each day!This was a travesty--an outrage! How could he be so dishonest!

I believe this was the caffeine addict in me talking.

The other part of me admired his ingenuity. I knew there was no way I would've agreed to go cold turkey. And it wasn't as if he were doing it to me alone--he was drinking the same coffee as me, though he does get a cup of caffeinated coffee during work each day. So doing it gradually and doing it with me seemed both smart and honorable.

Apparently, he'd checked with friends of ours who recently had a very cute, healthy, calm and happy baby. The mom had heard about caffeine and cut it out. This, along with yoga, was what she credited her little one's calm demeanor to.

So I'm nearly but not quite off. I'm not wild about the decaf idea both on principle (part of coffee's essential nature is the caffeine) as well as the not-so-wonderful chemicals they use to remove the caffeine.

I have to admit, though, that this is probably the best thing for the little ducky, and that I probably couldn't have made the decision to quit on my own. Will I make the jump and give up my morning cappuccino--a daily ritual since I studies in Rome almost nine years ago--for good, or at least through pregnancy and nursing? I don't know. That one will have to be my decision.

posted by Mama Duck4:35 PM


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Week 16, again

Next appointment

I had my second pre-natal appointment with a nurse-midwife. She said my uterus is right where it's supposed to be (which disappointed my husband, who was hoping for twins) and that the baby's heartbeat sounds fine. Yay!

posted by Mama Duck4:21 PM


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Thursday, March 13, 2003

Week 16.5

Fashion faux-pas

I was rushing to get out the door to work one day and threw on a pair of pants that still fits (as long as I use the ponytail elastic expander on the button) and a sweater. Just as I was about to leave though, I noticed the dreaded pregnancy fashion no-no: my pant waistline was showing through my sweater. Gah.

I didn't have time to change, so I went to work anyway. I tried to stay close to my desk, and if I wandered the halls I tried to have my purse or a file to hold in front of my tummy. A friend of mine noticed this obsessive behavior and asked what the hell I was doing. I told her, she mocked me mercilessly, so I finally gave up and figured that I'm pregnant, so why the heck shouldn't I look pregnant?

I am going to try to avoid that show-through waistline from now on, though. I don't want to be a glamour-don't poster woman for pregnancy.

posted by Mama Duck9:48 AM


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Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Week 16

Where to put the baby

Someone asked me last week what color I was going to paint the baby's room.

I laughed.

My husband and I live in a one-bedroom apartment that's just under 1000 square feet. We own it, so moving isn't so simple. We figure we can stay here till the kid starts to walk--babies don't need a lot of space.

This, however, borders on heresy to most other moms-to-be, who not only have a separate room for the kid, but a well-thought-out decorating scheme as well.

Where are we going to put the kid? It depends. Probably not in our bedroom; we'd like to have a little space. In that case, we get to choose from the bathroom, the closet or the laundry room. We have an ell-shaped back room that combines these three things.

When people ask, I could just say the back room. But I like to see their expressions when I say the laundry room.

posted by Mama Duck6:12 PM


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Monday, March 10, 2003

Week 15, again

People don't believe I'm pregnant

I have a little tummy now. It's about the size of me plus an added grapefruit. But when I tell people that I'm pregnant, they say they can't tell.

I can't decide how to feel about this. Should I feel offended that they think my tummy always looked like this? Should I realize that not everyone is looking at my tummy with as much attention as me? Should I be relieved that I can still wear most of my clothing? Or should I be worried that I'm carrying a sub-sized duck?

I'm flitting through all of these on a pretty regular basis. I have had to fiddle with the closure on some of my pants, though, so at least I can tell that things are different. I'm using a ponytail elastic, looping it through the button hole and over the button--voila, instant extension.

posted by Mama Duck5:17 PM


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Sunday, March 09, 2003

Week 15

In which the nausea abates, and my life goes kablooey

Hooray! The nausea is passing. Boo! The fatigue still is a problem. I don't know, though, if it's because of the pregnancy or because of the eight kajillion things I'm involved in lately.

Work is busy and often spills over into what used to be personal time. I'm taking a writing class to edit the novel I wrote last year. The class is once a week, so I'm reading an excerpt of someone's novel once a week, plus supposedly editing mine. I put this off till the last minute, and spent all last weekend furiously editing. At the end I had a respectable 70 pages, about a third of the book, but vowed that I need to spread the editing process out more evenly for the future. I have begun both a monthly writing group and reading group, though the latter is definitely struggling. I've got a couple upcoming trips, since I'm trying to travel during the second trimester. I don't travel well on my own; I'm sure this will not improve with a small child. I'm writing this (mostly) weekly diary, plus another one five days a week at
Girl Detective. I'm trying to read a little every night, plus see a movie every once in a while. I'm also still watching a few shows every week: Simpsons, Buffy, Smallville, Angel and Scrubs. I've decided to stop watching CSI, which is on at least three times every week. Not only are there too many of them, but I've started dreaming regularly of murder as an everyday occurrence. This can't be good for the duck.

But my current frenzied pace can't be, either. I tell myself I need to cut back, but on what? Inevitably, it feels like I'll have to cut back on something that I like to accomodate something I don't. The travel and writing class are things I likely won't have time for once the little duck arrives, so I want to do these things while I still can.

Where's the balance? Wish I knew. If you do, write and let me know.

posted by Mama Duck5:15 PM


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